Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
by DephsXylex
Summary: Sora realizes the mistakes she's made and how they lead to her not having Taichi by her side. Based on the song by Relient K  Not a songfic though . Can be a standalone, but is the sequel to Therapy. Taiora


Disclaimer: I lay no claim to Digimon (Toei) or Who I Am Hates Who I've Been (Relient K).

"Who are you going to ask to be the best man?" Taichi and I were laying on the couch, snuggled up to one another. Only a few days before, he had asked me to be his wife. I had accepted without second thought. We weren't planning on getting married for months, but we were having fun talking about it.

"Yamato, of course. He is my best male friend after all."

I paused, trying to think of what to say. Ishida Yamato and I had dated for a few years in junior high and early high school. There was a time when I thought he'd be the one I'd marry. I also thought Tai would be next to him. The idea of this role reversal made me uneasy. Just as uneasy as having an ex-boyfriend at the event at all. "Taichi, I don't think that's a good idea."

He shifted uncomfortably. "Why not? He's been there for me through thick and thin. He's even saved my life a few times."

I sighed, wondering how my fiancé could be so thick. "Because he's my ex, Tai. I don't really think I want him there at all. It'll just be too awkward and I'll be worried about it all day. A woman's wedding day is nerve racking enough without having an ex there."

Tai groaned. "We can't not invite him, Sora. He's my brother-in-law. I'd have my whole family down my throat if I did that. It'd really hurt his feelings if I didn't have him be my best man too. When we were thirteen we promised each other that we'd offer each other the honor, barring some major fallout. I could lose my best friend over this."

"I'm sure that if you explained it to him-"

Tai stopped me. "Sora, this is one of three things I get to choose. The ring, the men's tuxedo's and the groom's men. I don't want to explain anything. I won't explain it. He's my best friend and he she be up there. He won't let his past interfere with what he's supposed to do, why should you?"

Tai had sat up and I got off the couch. I was getting angry. There was no reason that Tai shouldn't be able to see my side. "I left him for you, Tai! He could still be upset about that and decide to take revenge at the wedding! I don't want to have to worry about it, not with everything else that's going to be going on."

Tai scoffed. "First off, you didn't leave Yamato for me. You two broke up six months before we got together. He had been with his new girlfriend for seven weeks before you even broached the subject of us. Second, why would he bother with petty revenge that might ruin a great relationship? He and Kiyoko are pretty serious and I happen to know that he really loves her. He's been talking about them getting a place together."

I blushed. I had waited until Yamato moved on to get with Taichi. I didn't want to upset him because they were best friends. Once he had a new girlfriend and I thought it was safe, I leapt on Tai, just as I would have if I had ever been worried about him getting away.

"See, you're blushing because you know I'm right and you're over reacting!"

"That is not why I'm blushing! And you know what, this is my day. If you can't understand this, then you can go to hell."

Tai stood up, walking towards the door. "He's my best friend and my family. If you can't understand this, maybe you should."

Stop.

Rewind.

Play.

"That is not why I'm blushing! And you know what, this is my day. If you can't understand this, then you can go to hell."

Stop.

That's exactly where I lost it.

See that? That right there. That little white line. I never should have crossed it.

I never should have said that. It's the very moment that I wish that I could take back.

-

I turned over, wondering what time it was. Five-forty-five. Far too early to get up, but I was never going to get back to sleep. Instead, I hoisted myself out of bed and made coffee. Once it was safely in a warm mug in my hands, I sauntered over to my chair. The sun was about to rise and it was always beautiful when it came over the pacific.

Some people would think I was losing my mind. After the last two and a half weeks of only five hours sleep a night, you might be right. But everything that had happened since I had been unable to sleep was beyond the point. The point was in why I hadn't been sleeping.

It was because of my fight with Tai.

Three months ago, him and I had gotten into it over our impending wedding. We hadn't spoken since. A few days after it had happened, I got a letter from him telling me how sorry he was about everything, but I had refused to forgive him. I was too proud and angry to see that he not only was going to let me have my way, but he was going to let me have my way even though I was in the wrong. I never responded.

Now, I can't respond for a different reason. I am far too embarrassed to. Not to admit I'm wrong. I've had to humble myself to Tai before. In eight years of dating something inevitably comes up that you're wrong about. It was hard at first, but you get over it and do what you have to to fix your relationship. This is a different sort of embarrassment. I can't talk to him because I don't want him to know where I am. He'd have to see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been. In a state of hatred.

Because who I am hates who I've been.  
>Yes, it's true. And in the past two and a half weeks my heart has been thrust deeper and deeper into this hatred. I've quit talking to all of my friends and family. It seems like I just can't keep to myself enough. I'm terrified if I say some other stupid thing that I'll lose them like I did Tai. Bottling all of these things up isn't good for me though. Like anything under pressure, eventually I'll explode. I feel it coming closer every day.<p>

This is no place to try and live my life.

-

I knocked on the door. Last I had heard, he was staying with Daisuke. I was worried about just showing up here, but there were certain things that just went better when done face to face. This was one.

I could hear the thumping of footsteps on the other side of the door and they seemed to sync up perfectly with the thrumming of my heart. I could feel myself starting to unravel, but worked on getting myself together, lest I watch myself fall apart. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let Tai see me like that.

Just as I got together, the door opened. The man I was looking for stood in front of me, hair disheveled and rubbing his eyes. "Sora?"

"Hi Tai. Can we talk?"

He had to ponder that for a (very long) second, but eventually nodded, guiding me to the living room.

"What did you want to talk about, Sor?"

I swallowed hard, trying to get past the lump in my throat. "I came to apologize."

Tai stopped me. "You don't need to apologize for anything, Sora-"

"Shut up, Tai. Let me talk. I was wrong. I was upset that you wanted Matt to be there and I think I had a right to be, but when you explained everything, I should have relented. You have to invite him solely for the fact that your siblings are married. I can see your sister pitching a fit if you didn't. Yamato would be over there moping to Takeru and Hikari wouldn't feel like she could kick him out, even if he had far out-stayed his welcome. She would then make your life miserable. You and Matt have known each other for fourteen years. It shouldn't be surprising that you'd want to ask him to be your best man. God knows he deserves the position after all the trouble you got him in to. Basically, I was wrong, on every level."

Tai smiled, wrapping his arms around me. "I wasn't telling you that you didn't need to apologize for whatever reason you thought. I was telling you that you didn't need to apologize because I've already forgiven you for anything you feel badly about."

"I love you, Tai. I'm sorry for the person I became. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to realize what I had done and change. I'm going to make sure I never become that way again. Who I am hates who I've been."

"Don't hate yourself. I don't want that. I just want you to be with me," he paused, mulling something over before deciding to ask. "Why don't we just forget everyone else and elope? No groomsmen, no bridesmaids, just you me and an official. Neither of us have work for a few days with the holiday."

I thought about it. No, it wasn't the glamorous wedding that every little girl dreamed of, but seeing as Tai and I had almost broken up when just having a friendly conversation about it, maybe it was for the best. Tai and I had a way with simple. "Mimi and Kari are going to kill us."

"Let them. They have their own weddings. Let us have ours the way we want it," he said with a shrug. He was right. Kari had the wedding she wanted and Mimi would when she settled down. If this was the way we wanted to do ours, we would.

"Let's go. I'm going to take this second you're giving me and not let go."

"Good, because I wasn't planning on letting you."

Who I am hates who I've been because who I've been only ever made me.

A/n: First, I want to make sure that it's known that Sora thought that last part. My phone won't let me italicize and so I probably forgot when I got this to the computer. If not, go me.

I said if I found the right song I'd do a sequel and I not only found a song, but I found another Relient K song. Therapy and Who I Am Hates Who I've Been are two of my favorite songs. If you haven't heard them, I highly recommend them.

Since this is my first one shot since I instigated the reviewer points policy, I should mention that it does apply to this. If you are unsure of what this is, then be sure to check my profile. I think you'll like the idea.

Anyways, thank you for taking the time to read this and please take the time to drop a review if you have it. I promise I'll reply, eventually.

Dephs

PS- Anyone reading my other multichapters, I'm moving, but U'll try to get them up asap.


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